


"Bandor Writes Fanfiction"

by Queenscene2



Series: It's Always Sunny on Planet Arus (Dotu Crack Fics) [10]
Category: Voltron: Lion Force (1984)
Genre: AIM - Freeform, Crack, I miss AIM, Multi, degeneracy, like actual crack cocaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28949067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenscene2/pseuds/Queenscene2
Summary: Bandor shares his secret fic stash with Pidge...and the entire population of PolluxA crack fic
Relationships: Bandor & Pidge (Voltron), Romelle/Sven (Voltron)
Series: It's Always Sunny on Planet Arus (Dotu Crack Fics) [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825153
Kudos: 6





	"Bandor Writes Fanfiction"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [80sGayTrashGoblin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/gifts).



> The long awaited sequel I was asked to write from 80sGayTrashGoblin and others
> 
> ***This is a crack fic. Do not take anything seriously***

Bandor ran through the castle, trying to outrun his sister. “You come back here right now, Bandor!” she cried, leaves of paper flying out of her hands. Bandor cackled and successfully made it to his room.

He deadbolted the door and snickered as he heard Romelle’s footsteps follow after him. He walked to his desk and put on his headphones, drowning out Romelle’s screams of anger and pounds on the metal door. Luckily, Guns and Roses drowned her out.

He booted up his computer and went onto AIM, thrilled to see that Pidge was online.

[Explodingpidgeon is online]

Bandoverson71: Hey dipshit

Explodingpidgeon: hey, wats up?

Bandoverson71: nm. my sister found my fanfics of her and Sven. guess I left them on the printer LMFAO. She’s currently pounding on my door. X3

Explodingpidgeon: dude u write fanfics 2?

Bandoverson71: duh. I’m not a pu-c. got lots of variety of fics of my sister n her loser crush rofl. They rnt as good as urs tho

Explodingpidgeon: lmfaoooo dude send them ovr i wanna read

Bandoverson71: I WILL

Explodingpidgeon: dope

Bandoverson71: [sent an attachment]

Explodingpidgeon: hell yea. Thanks my guy. gtg

Bandoverson71: np. L8tr

[Explodingpidgeon is away]

~

Pidge sent the attachment to the printer and bolted up from his seat. As quickly as he could, he raced down to Keith and Lance’s office and pulled all 300+ pages of Bandor’s collection of “Svemelle” fanfiction and scurried back to his room. He was glad that Keith had bought all that paper that previous day.

He plopped back into his seat and poured through all of the pages.

_“You are quite beautiful.” Sven said to Romelle as she sat in his lap. “Well, you were just too handsome, Sven daddy, please take me to your room!” Romelle begged._

Pidge howled in laughter and skimmed through the rest of it.

_“Oh Sven!” Romelle said as she kissed him. “Take me, take me into your paradise!” They went further into the cave. “Yes, my love. I will make you mine tonight!” he cried, but not too loudly because the bears might wake up._

Pidge gasped and laughed in awe as he read further and found out that they were indeed attacked by grizzly bears, and that their clothes were conveniently torn off. Bandor was a literary genius.

~

Meanwhile, Romelle was getting _really_ tired of banging on her brother’s door. “Bandor! If you don’t open this damn door, I’m gonna kick your ass!”

Bandor opened the door and smiled innocently at his sister. “Why hello, sister dear. What can I do for you?” Romelle threw the stack of papers at his face. “What the hell is all of this?!” she hollered. “You’re too young for some of this shit! What would father say?”

Bandor smirked. “Father would say to not be such a wuss and go ask out Sven already!” he said. Romelle was a blushing mess. “Wh—?! I am NOT—! Sven and I…we are NOT—”

“Not what?” Sven asked quietly from behind her. Romelle shrieked. “S-Sven! Hi! I mean…I just…ah fuck never mind.” She gave a glare at Bandor and stomped away.

Sven helped Bandor pick up his fanfiction. “Is your sister okay?” he asked. Bandor nodded and grabbed the stacks of paper from Sven. “Yeah. I guess she’s just on her period or something.”

Sven blushed. “Oh.” He said simply. “Listen, I need to address the people of Pollux in about 15 minutes, but I need to get something from Commander Keith. Can you stall the crowd while I go pick them up?”

Bandor nodded. “I can do that! You can count on me!” he said. Sven smiled. “Good. I’ll be off, then.”

~

Bandor fixed his hair up all nice and put on his military uniform. He checked his watch. “AH!” he cried. He grabbed the speech that he wanted to give before Sven would come and speak that he wrote on the spot and ran out to the balcony.

He walked out and waved to the crowd, who were cheering and waving back at him. He slipped on the red carpet and banged his chest on the podium.

“Shit!” he cried, and the crowd gasped. “Ah, shit I probably shouldn’t say shit.” He shook his head in correction. “Shit—I mean! Sorry.” Even the crickets were quiet at that point.

He cleared his throat. “So, I just want to—” he stopped as he saw that the pieces of paper that he grabbed weren’t the speech that he wrote, but in fact one of the short drabbles that he wrote about Sven and his sister.

Bandor’s sense of panic quickly fled as he smirked evilly. This was his chance, otherwise Romelle and Sven, his one true pairing, would never ever live happily ever after!

“You guys wanna hear a story?” he asked. The crowd then smiled and cheered. “Okay, this is a story I wrote about our fearless knight Sven Holgersson…and my dear sister.”

Romelle, who was sitting behind him, felt the blood rush out of her face. She tried to take off toward her brother, but the guards were too busy protecting her from any danger. She then put her head between her legs and tried not to pass out.

Bandor cleared his throat and started to read:

_“Nya nya! I want to be your little kitten, Svenny. Come pet me!” Romelle cried._

“That’s what Romelle calls Sven in her diary.” Bandor announced proudly. The crowed was chuckling, and Romelle was seeing stars. He continued.

_Her love for Sven brought out her inner Neko, which made Sven totally and completely turned on. What a beautiful pet he had! He pet her head as she nuzzled up to the side of his defined, strong, 8-pack abs. “Good kitty.” He said._

The crowd roared in laughter, and Romelle was covering her face with her hands. Bandor went on:

_Romelle made a face. “Baka!” she yelled._

“Baka” is a word that’s Japanese, which is a dialect from Earth, meaning idiot!” Bandor explained. “Commander Keith taught it to my best friend who taught it to me.” The crowd roared in laughter again. Bandor continued.

_“Come watch Mew Mew Kissy Cutie with me!” she said. “Your kitty wants to cuddle with you and sit on your lap while we do!” she said. Sven pulled her close and kissed her feverishly. “Let’s just forget about the movie, my darling, and just go to my room to—”_

“STOP!” Romelle screamed. She pushed the guards out of her way and grabbed her little brother by the ear before he could say anything else. The crowd was having a blast, laughing and cheering. “Ow!” he cried. She dragged him toward the door. “After this address, I swear to god I will—”

She then bumped into Sven who happened to hear the entire thing. “AAH!” she screamed. Sven had on an expression that was hard to read.

“S-Sven!” she cried, letting go of Bandor’s ear. The audience cheered and clapped with delight. Sven ignored her took to the podium. “Uh, zank you, Bandor…for….zat.” he said, turning bright red as he was remembering what Bandor read. “Um…so I'm 'ere to talk about ze progress of our fight wit Zarkon.” He started.

“Dude just kiss her already!” someone screamed from the crowd. Sven grew even redder. “Um…so I was in contact wit Commander Keith from the Voltron Force and we are discussing new plans for a new Galaxy Alliance meeting.”

“Don’t be a pussy! Tell her how much you love her!” another person called out. Sven started to shake. “S-So…zat…uhhh…”

The crowd started to heckle him. “We don’t give a shit!” someone else yelled.

“Just tell her! God!”

“We don’t care about your dumbass military meetings!”

“I wanna listen to more of Prince Bandor’s stories!”

“Yeah! Bring Prince Bandor back!”

Sven then took a deep breath and looked back at Romelle, who had her hand covering her brother’s mouth. Sven walked over and took her hand and dragged her over to where everyone could see.

“Sven?” Romelle whispered. Sven didn’t answer and instead pulled her close and kissed her feverishly, just like Bandor wrote in his story.

The crowd screamed, cheered, and applauded.

“Hell yeah! This is the best royal address ever!” a girl screamed.

Bandor smiled and rubbed his nails on his uniform pompously. “My work here is done. I can’t wait to tell Pidge about this!”


End file.
